I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
