Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
