Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My Higher Power is John Stamos
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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