toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
