Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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