it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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