why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
