Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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