i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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