Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
