She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
