Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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