awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
