Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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