Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
