I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
