How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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