Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
