that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
