Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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