you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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