Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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