i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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