You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
