Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
