4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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