i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
