soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
