Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
