Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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