well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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