just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
