9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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