so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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