Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
