Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
