She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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