And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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