I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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