apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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