It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
