Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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