Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
