omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
