the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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