Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
