Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
