My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
