your thong is hanging out like whoa
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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