Your tits are I can't wait for
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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